Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Authors Not-So-Anonymous Week #13

Welcome everyone to the thirteenth Authors Not-So-Anonymous weekly meeting!! This weekly series is about authors from Twitter and Facebook!  This week, I would like to introduce Judah Lee Davis into Authors Not-So-Anonymous!

Judah Lee Davis is an adult book author.  She was an avid reader growing up.  She taught herself how to read at the age of three, and by the age of seven was reading books such as The Hobbit and The Yearling.  "On many occasions I attempted to write similar novels, but all I ended up with was a three ring binder full of stories about elves that had my Mom in stitches. Not the intended effect."  Judah filled journals with morbid poetry as a teen, like Emily Dickinson - which later became her inspiration.  "Fifteen years later when I began writing my first novel, I pulled out those space savers and used them for inspiration.  It was like an archeological excavation of PMS."

Judah gave up becoming a doctor to be a writer - "At 21, I thought I had it all figured out.  I was poised to apply for medical school that fall. I had a serious boyfriend, and I could easily wear my size seven CK jeans.

Two months later my boyfriend dumped me, and I gained fifteen pounds worth of jelly roll that poured out over the buttons of my once-so-friendly jeans.  Throwing my hands up in the air, I canceled my plans for graduation, took a long look at the jelly roll in the mirror and began to realize several important truths about myself.

I suddenly realized that deep down inside, I had strong desire to tip the couch over in search of change for the rest of my life.  I wanted to live off of Ramen noodles and take toilet paper from the gas station.  I wanted to be that person who came back for a free refill six hours later, but yet wrote stories for a living and could maybe even be considered happy.

So I decided to be a writer.

I changed my major to journalism, graduated form Auburn University in 2001, and have since been working as a corporate journalist.  My series of novels are written in my free time, which is usually only earned by the constant sacrifice of a little thing called SLEEP."  She turned her sadness into something much more happy and bright.  Judah's favorite authors include Heidi Ruby Miller, Ayn Rand and Chelsea Handler.  "I love so many different authors for so many different reasons."  Her novel She Tells All was released in 2009 and the sequel Evey Women's Hero was just released in February in 2012.

**Warning: Some content not appropriate for readers under the age of 17.  Read at your own risk.**

Here is an excerpt from She Tells All:
Seven and a half brown shots later, I stood on the rickety stage and looked out over the sea of horny cowboys.  I was certain I could smell sperm in the air.
There were only two other girls who were brave enough, or might I say, dumb enough, to enter the redneck festivity, and I stood sandwiched in the middle with a girl on either side.  It was a slut sandwich. It was a stupid sandwich.  It was a stupid slut sandwich.
“Welcome to our annual wet T-shirt contest,” a redneck drawled drunkenly over the loud speaker.  I could tell he listened to Hank Williams Jr., participated in lawn mower racing, and had the Blue Collar Comedy tour on DVD.
“We’re going to go ahead and get started now, and y’all cheer real loud, ‘cause the girl with the most cheers wins the money!”Not surprising that those morons couldn't think up a more sophisticated system.  
Out of the corner of my eye, I attempted to assess the competition.  The girl to my left was considerably fatter than me and had large pendulous breasts.  Her mousy brown hair fell over her shoulders like silly string and her face appeared to be experiencing an onslaught of angry freckles.  I wondered how many shots of liquor it had taken to talk her into entering.
The girl on the right looked exactly like a Britney Spears impersonator wearing a cowgirl hat and boots.  She had already taken her white T-shirt and flipped it over her bra -- Pamela Anderson style -- to show off her tan and muscular flat stomach.
I quickly decided I didn’t have a hope in hell to beat her as I glanced down at my pudgy white jelly roll lapped over my pants.  She looked like a Playmate dressed up for Halloween and I looked like I belonged in a Jenny Craig waiting room.  It was all said and done.  I would be second place and I knew it, but it was too late to back out.
The redneck DJ cranked up Shake Whatcha Momma Gave Ya and called the first contestant.  She waddled out to the front and started vibrating her droopy ass as they tried to put out her flabby fire with a garden hose.
She looked like a Teletubby on meth. She got low and humped the air like a horny Chihuahua.  Then she flopped around like a fish out of water as her pendulous breasts followed two seconds behind every move she made. Honestly, I was a little concerned that she might be having a seizure, but I wasn't feeling too judgmental because I knew I was next.
The liquor congealed in my stomach when they called for contestant two.  I timidly stepped out into the spotlight and braced myself for impact.  As the freezing cold water blasted over my body, I was overcome with the strange and unfamiliar feeling ... The cold water had rendered me completely sober. Despite my horrifying realization, I tried to start shaking what my momma gave me, but I had two things working against me:  I was white AND I was SOBER. I bent my knees and tried to stick my butt out, but I knew if I got too low, I’d end up on the flo. I felt like a fat grasshopper takin’ a dump.
I ran out of booty shakin’ moves within the first ten seconds and started doing some really strange stuff, like the Charleston, the robot, those silly Vogue hands, the Roger Rabbit, the Hammer, and a ten-year-old dance routine from middle school cheer leading tryouts.  About the time I broke into the Cabbage Patch, the redneck asshole running the show finally took pity and re-directed the hose to the next poor victim – Britney Spears.
Britney didn’t seem to mind the cold water as much.  She pranced out there, stuck her tiny round ass out and then started working her hips like she was riding something very large. She could have never guessed what was about to happen next. (end)

Purchase She Tells All in paperback from Amazon here or Kindle format here  Pick up the sequel Every Women's Hero in paperback here or Kindle format here.  Judah also wrote and published the third book in the She Tells All series, The Diary of Dion.

Check out tons of hilarious stories on her blog, AND the Q&A on GoodReads here - so stop by and ask Judah any questions you have!

Have an author to nominate?  Send me a message via Twitter or leave a comment with the author(s) name and Twitter name.  I'd love to add new members!  Happy Reading!


JRD said...

Some brilliantly fun lines in the sample from "She Tells All" - great interview, as well!

HilyBee said...

Aren't they!? I think her novel sounds hilarious! Thank you for stopping by!